The captain has been binge drinking in true East Marsh fashion! Just sobbered up - there's been a few things going on since I last ventured out of Bevin House, what on earth has Austin Mitchell been going on about? What an idiot! The sooner we get rid of him and replace him with our truely local candidate, Mel Onn, the better.

That vile individual, Victoria Ayling has put her foot in it again - there's no future in renewables! That appears to be the only future Grimsby has, and I can't see her neo-fascist mates in Ukip helping us, or producing a better alternative. How can anyone vote for her and expect to be properly represented, a posh woman who isn't from Grimsby, who at the last election stood as the Conservative candidate and before that had been a member of the National Front!!

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Captain Haddock