Saturday 25 March 2017

Captain Haddock here - it's been an odd sort of month and feels like spring, and for once Grimsby Town are neither battling against relegation or floundering towards the play-offs. This mid table mediocrity is quite strange, and for all the years following the Mariners it's not the norm. However, it is rather calming like a packet of diazepam!! I would much rather be in our position than Cheltenham's - lulled into a sense of being far better than they really are by winning the National League last season, and with a bit of luck they can have another go at repeating it.

We have been inconsistent this month, reflected in our mid-table position, but the main issue once again has been the poor standard of refereeing in our last two home games. Nick Kinsley's performance in our match against Wycombe was awful, and allowing the goal while Gavin Gunning was out cold in our penalty area was dangerous and a clear breach of 'his duty of care' under the Health and Safety at Work Act. Then the Football League clearly wanted to endear themselves to us by appointing Hull referee Carl Boyeson for our next home match against Crawley Town, a referee with a lot of previous but at least this time he only sent one of our players off. I can't believe that some supporters on social media are even calling for Marcus Bignot to be sacked - what rubbish, his record this season at least matches Paul Hurst's. He needs time to settle in and develop - Grimsby needs stability not to be turned into an east coast version of Notts County who have had seven managers in the last two seasons. We have what is this seasons main local derby next week at home to Donny - I hope their supporters enjoy their 'cup final' at Blunder Park. Just a slight aside, it's been good to see the away ends throughout League Two filled with Grimsby supporters, but just remember it's really good to see Blunder Park full as well, and the club gets the money!!!

It's not been a particularly glorious month for our neighbours from the other side of the Wolds, after missing out on two Wembley appearances in a week. Even Scunny have been doing their best to blow promotion!

Politics has been moving towards Theresa May triggering 'article 50' and the inevitable decline it will set off, along with the likely beginning of the end of the UK. We had a shocking terrorist attack this week - anyone who sees a driving a car as fast as possible as a legitimate act is mentally disturbed. I found it surprising though how it took May six hours to make a comment!!

Anyway, I can't finish this though without ending on a happy note - Congratulations to non-league Cleethorpes Town beating Bromsgrove over two legs and getting to the final of the FA Vase at Wembley Stadium in May.

UTM
Captain Haddock




Monday 27 February 2017

Well my new year's resolution was to write my Captain Haddock column on a monthly basis instead of sporadically, outlining what's going on in the world of politics and sport as normal. However, 'Gin January' got me so here we are near the end of February!

The world of politics, now we have President Trump has gone absolutely bonkers!! I'm standing with Sweden - fake news! Even UK politics doesn't get any better, with control freak Theresa May in charge, and the right wing of the Labour Party continuously trying to undermine Labour at every opportunity. Even though I do believe that Jeremy has shot himself in the foot over Brexit, which is truly the politics of the mad house, whatever the majority of fellow Grimbarians think. I heard that Ukip MEP on the radio the other day, and he was arguing for our fishing industry to come back (didn't like him and it's not just that he's a Yorkie but that certainly doesn't help) and he was demanding a 200 mile limit around the UK - that should take us nearly to Paris!! Once the fishing expertise has gone it'll never come back, there's not enough salty old sea dogs like myself left, and renewables is the future. While I'm writing about Ukip, they have now replaced their Oswald Moseley style fascist leader Nigel Farage with a complete plank! A Walter Mitty character who doesn't seem to understand what facts are - he claimed to have a PhD which turned out to be utter rubbish, and that he played football for Tranmere Rovers which he never did, never mind his Hillsborough lies. Thankfully the good people of Stoke rejected his politics of fascism and hate, but it's a shame the people of Copeland didn't have more sense.

Anyway, football seems to be going the same way as politics with unpredictable results - Grimsby losing 5 - nil at Crewe, a team that had been completely hopeless until they played us, followed by a draw on a ploughed field somewhere in South Wales, on to one of the funniest games I've seen for a long time. However, more importantly an excellent performance from players both new and old culminating in a good 3 - nil victory, never mind the antics of fatty Evans!! We were again brought back down to earth with a bump at Morecambe but at least the scoreline was only 1 - 0. We appear to have swapped our early season form - good away and poor at home, to good at home and poor away. We are clearly at the beginning of the Marcus Bignot revolution.

A big well done to Cleethorpes Town in reaching the semi-final of the FA Vase, and our carrot crunching neighbours from the other side of the wolds making the quarter-finals of the FA Cup - however, I expect Arsenal will put an end to their progress.

UTM,
Captain Haddock

PS - Jeremy Kyle is a twat.

Monday 5 December 2016

Just to let you all know that the captain has just sailed back into town, and everything has changed - Clumber Place has gone, but my flat is still standing (just). What on earth has happened to the world? The Americans have elected a complete nutter as President, even though the majority of them actually voted for crooked Hilary! Their election system is worse than ours. Why didn't they put Bernie Sanders up against Trump - as for Farage, that tin pot fascist can fuck right off, he's so far up Trump's arse why doesn't he just fuck off to America with his right wing racist views.

Jeremy Corbyn is still the leader of the Labour Party even though the war criminal thanks he can swan back into British politics and rescue us all!! Blair needs instead to take a trip to the Netherlands, perhaps the Hague and sit himself down in the dock while he's tried for war crimes. Anyway, I'm sure Alistair Campbell has already set out the timetable for the next attempted coup against Corbyn. This time any Labour MP who attempts to undermine him should be de-selected and expelled from the Labour Party, and it's also about time Blair was expelled as well!

It's all change at Grimsby Town FC with that miserable short arsed Yorkie clearing off to Shrewsbury with his even more miserable side kick, in all honesty - thank you Paul for getting us out of non-league, and good luck at Shrewsbury because you're going to need it. I predict he'll be out of a job and relegated by the summer. However, a massive welcome to Marcus Bignot, already a breath of fresh air with a real tactical understanding of football and urge to win - let the good times roll. Marcus realises that at a club like Grimsby Town the supporters really matter.

Anyway, can't wait until our next home game against Portsmouth - Fishermen vs. the navy - just remember we've already pissed on your fish!

UTM,

Captain Haddock

PS - if you're still looking for a Christmas present for one of your youngsters, why not try 'Torc' by local writer Eamonn Griffin.

Tuesday 2 August 2016

I've been off line for a few months and everything has changed. We have got rid of David Cameron and his village idiot friend, George Osborne. We have a new female Prime Minister, who will hopefully be more like Harold MacMillan and less like Thatcher, but I doubt it!

We now have Brexit, which in itself is an act of complete stupidity, instead of trying to lead Europe, you have Cameron giving people the choice to leave - never give people a choice that you don't really want. Who knows what is likely to happen to the Humber region and Grimsby? Grimsby voted overwhelmingly to leave the EU but government after government have left the town behind, so there was no wonder the voters of the town rejected the pro-EU message being rammed down their throats.

The Labour Party is in a mess - you have the membership overwhelmingly supporting Jeremy Corbyn a year ago, and the PLP not wanting him as leader. The majority of the PLP, including Hilary Benn and that two faced coward Tom Watson (who went off to Glastonbury while others did his dirty work), and even our own MP Melanie Onn have rejected Corbyn. This is a time when the Labour movement should be united in attacking the new Conservative government but instead they're attacking Jeremy Corbyn, many of these plotters were MP's who backed Tony Blair's illegal war in Iraq. The real answer is to de-select and expel the majority of these Labour MP's if they don't support the leader. This split really reflects the difference between an out of touch London based political elite who think they know best, and the rest who have had enough of their arrogant and patronising behaviour. I hope that Jeremy Corbyn gets an even bigger mandate than last year and wipes the floor with all of those treacherous bastards plotting against him.

Anyway, at least we have some positives with Grimsby Town regaining its place back in the football league after a thrilling victory over Forest Green Rovers. I will never forget the moment that Nathan Arnold slotted home the winning goal during injury time that confirmed our promotion. The summer has been taken up with Paul Hurst re-building his squad to take on the football league - starting with Morecambe at Blunder Park on Saturday.

Who knows what the future holds for Grimsby Town, the Grimsby area, the Labour Party, the new Tory government, Brexit or the UK!!!

Up the Mariners,

Captain Haddock.

PS - Toby Young is a twat!

Sunday 20 March 2016

This week has seen the latest episode of the Tory civil war - it started with George Osborne's budget, and once again he has had to admit that the state of the UK finances are in a mess. However, after six years his excuses are wearing thin, along with his credibility and chances of ever leading the Tories. However, don't focus on the economic mess, let's all rejoice that we now have a sugar tax!! In actual fact we have a tax on some sugary drinks in two years time - even though Jamie Oliver got excited about it, it's hardly a seismic shift! This on its own will have little impact on obesity levels - it's just another tax on the poor and a way of diverting attention from the state of the economy, but after Ian Duncan Smith's resignation (after finding a heart - perhaps he's been to see the Wizard of Oz) and bizarre justification, fizzy drinks is the last of Gideon Osborne's worries!!!

Well England began their campaign in the T20 cricket world cup losing their first game to the West Indies - unfortunately, they met Chris Gayle in one of those truly unstoppable moods. However, they bounced back in impressive style with a massive win against South Africa.

Grimsby had a disappointing result at Guiseley on Tuesday, twice coming back to equalise, and after Saturday's results I'm sure there will still be many ups and downs before the season is over. However, realistically it'll be the play-offs again and after last years experience, hopefully promotion. This weekend we had the second leg of our FA Trophy semi-final against Bognor Regis, and even though we beat them 1 - nil the previous Saturday at Bognor, they gave a spirited performance before the Mariners won 2 - 1 to secure our Wembley appearance, but credit needs to go to their goalie who after being injured pulled off a string of impressive saves, and Padraig Amond with his 31st and 32nd goals of the season. I don't know how many of you have noticed but the FA Trophy final is a double header with the FA Vase final, both the day after the FA Cup final, which just happens to be a week after the National League play-off final on Sunday 15th May, so the FA Trophy final could be a massive promotion party (or wake!).

While I was away I kept myself entertained by reading 'The Prospect of this City' by local author Eamonn Griffin. It's a historical novel set in and around the Great fire of London in 1666, of course without giving to much away, the city of London burns down and is re-built by Sir Christopher Wren, with St Paul's Cathedral being the crowning symbol of Charles II's newly built London. Eamonn manages to transport you back to the squalor of late-medieval London, emerging from outbreaks of the plague, and austerity of Cromwellian England. This is when he is at his best, describing the awful conditions of life, and even the feel and smell of the printed copy reminded me of cold beef fat! He intertwines a fast paced action story into this world, clearly showing his research of this specific period with the odd authentic term and vulgar expression of the period. The story takes you on an unexpected, but in another way a predictable conclusion. I look forward to Eamonn Griffin's next book, either the further adventures of some of the key characters, or perhaps another period of British history, because he clearly has a gift of bringing history to life. I highly recommend this book as an excellent read.

Anyway, I better go and plan my trip to Wembley.

UTM
Captain Haddock

Sunday 13 March 2016

After several months at sea, it's always nice to turn into the Humber with the Dock Tower and the flats on the horizon - you know you're home!

A lot has happened while I've been away, such as, the Conservative party openly tearing itself apart over its ridiculous decision to give the British people a vote over EU membership. David Cameron may well end up regretting this and getting the outcome he dreads! The film 'Grimsby' has now been released worldwide, and even though I don't like the thought of some southern ex-Cambridge posh boy coming up and taking the piss out of the north, it could have been a lot worse.

The Mariners are in third place, after an excellent win at second placed Forest Green, and we are 1 - nil up in our two legged semi-final against Bognor Regis in the FA Trophy with a Wembley final as a reward for the winners.

I watched the X-files for the first time in years the other night, and apart from Moulder and Scully looking years older (like us all), it was a bizarre episode featuring an Islamic terrorist in a coma, and Moulder trying to communicate with him by taking LSD! It was like Homeland crossed with a Cheech and Chong film from the 1970's and 80's - and not a UFO in sight!

Anyway, while I was away I read 'The Prospect of this City' by local writer Eamonn Griffin, but more of that next time.

UTM,
Captain Haddock

Sunday 22 November 2015

Well, New Zealand won the rugby union world cup, and so in celebration I have changed my name back to Captain Haddock, but it was sad to hear of the death of the great all black - Jonah Lomu.

However, this week has been overshadowed by the terrorist attacks in Paris, and as I write this now in Bamako, Mali. The attacks in Paris were shocking, horrific and completely unjustifiable on  any level. It is though important to remember that nearly all muslims do not believe or support this warped toxic view of the world, also that Syrian refugees do not equal terrorists, whatever Sky news or the Daily Mail claim - the evidence of their propaganda is flimsy at best. It's sad to see how the right wing media, alongside this Tory government have jumped at the opportunity to put forward an argument to bomb Syria. I cannot see how dropping more bombs on a country already devastated is going to help the situation, apart from radicalising more young people throughout Europe. You defeat an ideology like IS through argument and debate, showing what a lot of shit it is, alongside trying to stabilise the whole region of north Africa, Iraq and Syria, and stopping Israel from pouring petrol on the burning flames of Palastine - a mess Israel has created with the tacit support of the West.

It is interesting how Saudi Arabia (the West's so called friend) sits silently, as it allegedly funds IS, an organisation supposedly full of Saadam Hussein's former Ba'th Party members!

UTM,
Captain Haddock